I need to get back to listening to Radiohead.
J and C want me to blog again. I didn't realize it had been over two months. What should I say?
You know how picky I am, and unfortunately, my life has no poetry in it right now.
I like Sparkles' blog much better. He has some really amazing observations. Plus he writes open letters to people who annoy him. Very entertaining.
I really want to watch Grizzly Man.
I've started packing up for college. I own so much shit; I'm honestly surprised every day by the volume of it all. The big cleaning part came a couple weeks ago, and I filled FIVE trash bags with bottles and bottles of nail polish, school work from junior year, trinkets and memorabilia and Christmas gifts from my extended family. And yet my room is still full. The harder part is deciding which books to bring with me. I also worry that I don't have enough bags and suitcases for all of my clothes (tangent concern: if I actually got rid of everything that's worn out or doesn't fit, would I even have enough clothes?).
I went to Governor's School Alumni Day on Saturday. I don't know how I feel about it. Usually my emotions are right on the surface, but not in this case. I had this weird lump in my throat for a good part of the day, but I never cried. My jaw muscles hurt for three days from laughing and smiling and talking so much.
The last day of the session last summer, I sobbed for a good two hours.
I think I was relieved to find that some of the emotion had gone out of it for me. I know that I'll see those people again and that college will be a similar experience; I'm not so sad about leaving Governor's School anymore. But I also think that's the reason for the lump in my throat. I'm getting farther away from it. Most of the friendships will fade, almost all of the memories will with time. I don't want that to happen, but I don't need to miss it so fiercely for the rest of my life.
It's very complicated.
Today is July 15.
B leaves for college August 15. I leave August 19.
I hope we're ready.
