Tim Minchin, UK-born Australian comedian whose incredibly intelligent, politically incorrect songs accompanied by raucous piano make me laugh so hard my jaw is sore for hours.
Youtube is your friend. I can't figure out why it won't let me embed video, so I'm going to make you do the hard work.
Monday, November 16, 2009
Monday, November 2, 2009
thoughts on God
I miss feeling like someone could hear me when I prayed. Occasionally, when I'm crying from worry or sadness, I look up at my ceiling and "pray" in a choking, slurred fashion. I usually preface my words by saying, "I don't really think you're there, but..."
Religion was so easy when I was a child. The Episcopal Church has a set liturgy with different orders for service, prescribed readings and psalms, communion every Sunday after the same rhythmic pattern of prayers and oblations. Service is still very soothing for me as it was when I was a child, but no longer does it pull me into spiritual joy.
I am far too logical for religion. Thinking of religion as an opiate, as a way to hold oneself together when confronted with the death of loved ones, as a safety net for the truly unloved and alone, makes me much more comfortable. I view it as a social construction (which it IS, unarguably), but nothing more. However, I rear back like a horse when I get near the word "atheism." I don't want to label myself as an atheist, because then I feel incredibly depressed. I feel as if I've lost something precious, so then I try to force myself to simply believe that God is there.
But I can't. I just can't. I look up at the endless stars in the sky, at the indescribable beauty of the autumn leaves falling in the light of the early evening, at pictures on Facebook of newborn children, but I can't feel anything. I try to convince myself that my wonderful boyfriend (who is madly, deeply in love with me, which is a miracle) was sent to me by God, but even that provokes no connection within me. It was coincidence and luck that let us meet, not God.
I'm so scared of caving to atheism because it would mean that we are truly alone: insignificant carbon life forms on a spinning rock, whose only fate is to rot after 80 years of life in a box in the ground. I want there to be a purpose, a cosmic and universal connectedness, not just systems and death.
But logic screams: there isn't.
Religion was so easy when I was a child. The Episcopal Church has a set liturgy with different orders for service, prescribed readings and psalms, communion every Sunday after the same rhythmic pattern of prayers and oblations. Service is still very soothing for me as it was when I was a child, but no longer does it pull me into spiritual joy.
I am far too logical for religion. Thinking of religion as an opiate, as a way to hold oneself together when confronted with the death of loved ones, as a safety net for the truly unloved and alone, makes me much more comfortable. I view it as a social construction (which it IS, unarguably), but nothing more. However, I rear back like a horse when I get near the word "atheism." I don't want to label myself as an atheist, because then I feel incredibly depressed. I feel as if I've lost something precious, so then I try to force myself to simply believe that God is there.
But I can't. I just can't. I look up at the endless stars in the sky, at the indescribable beauty of the autumn leaves falling in the light of the early evening, at pictures on Facebook of newborn children, but I can't feel anything. I try to convince myself that my wonderful boyfriend (who is madly, deeply in love with me, which is a miracle) was sent to me by God, but even that provokes no connection within me. It was coincidence and luck that let us meet, not God.
I'm so scared of caving to atheism because it would mean that we are truly alone: insignificant carbon life forms on a spinning rock, whose only fate is to rot after 80 years of life in a box in the ground. I want there to be a purpose, a cosmic and universal connectedness, not just systems and death.
But logic screams: there isn't.
happy anniversary to us
Ben and I have been together for one year today.
I am so ecstatic to be with him and continuously amazed by how wonderfully he treats me.
Just thought I should let the world know. :]
I am so ecstatic to be with him and continuously amazed by how wonderfully he treats me.
Just thought I should let the world know. :]
Thursday, October 22, 2009
I ♥ politics
...but, quite frankly, the political atmosphere is pissing me off.
This country was BUILT on dissent. Some of the first Europeans to settle in North America came here seeking freedom from a religiously oppressive government in England, and our most famous document, the Declaration of Independence, is a rant, albeit very well-worded, on how much King George was irritating the New Worlders.
I wish I could remind the nation of this fact. I am so disgusted with the popular conservative notion that anyone who criticizes the way this country runs is unpatriotic and probably communist. WTF? If I didn't care about this country, I would move elsewhere or not say anything at all. Dissent means that we know things can be better, that things are not perfect but we are excited to work towards making them more so.
The biggest disservice we can do to the United States is keep shoveling in the propaganda, like so much trans-fat loaded McDonalds, that tells us America is the best country in the world. It's not true.
We are not the best country in the world. Stop lying. It's even more reprehensible when you think about our historical enemies. We act so haughty and disgusted by North Korea's practices, but when it comes down to it, our actions are a mild version of theirs. We tell our students that we are the most powerful country in the world, we have a grossly distorted view of the world's perception of us, we are arrogant enough to assume that everything successful came from the US and that everyone else should learn to speak English (god FORBID we learn anything). In the same vein: we still spread nasty propaganda about Russia and Cuba, but why I should we believe any of it? The only reason we continue to paint those countries as "evil" is because we feel threatened by their power.
The United States is one of the youngest countries in the world, and it acts appropriately. We are collectively an enormous toddler--whining and crying, throwing tantrums when things don't go our way, acting as if no one else matters, playing with our toys and destroying whatever we want whenever we want. And we will not share. Oh no. Health care needs to be changed; the HMOs are destroying our citizens' lives. There is nothing wrong with a socialist health care system. It's what Jesus would do, seriously. The only reason people are protesting is because they are greedy. They don't want to pay extra taxes to help anyone! I earned those piles of money! Help yourselves, people of America!
How dare you call yourselves Christians when it is clear that money is your god.
Whew.
Let's be frank for a moment. I would love to see this country fulfill its founding principles, wouldn't you? To do this, both parties have to stop acting like spoiled children (yeah, you heard me). The infighting accomplishes nothing. No matter who the president is, we should respect their authority and serve them as our president for their allotted term. The Republicans refuse to work with President Obama on anything because they are so offended that he was elected, and this is wrong. I am glad they have their convictions, but refusing to participate in your country is immature and stupid. (The Democrats are not innocent, I know; I remember the last 8 years.)
We need to return to positive political involvement. Write letters to your representatives about what you think should happen, comment in your local newspaper, join a community organization that supports your favorite candidates.
We need to stop the hateful sniping, the ad campaigns based on slander, the "news" programs that spend a full hour talking about the supposed racism present in the White House.
We need to find a way to remind our politicians what the purpose of government is. We need to remind them that they should not be in this for the money or the fame. We need to encourage a system full of representatives and elected officials who govern the country because they LOVE the country. And if they truly love the United States, then they will work alongside their opponents and make compromises and have intelligent, respectful discussions about what is truly good for the country. And they will dissent. And it will be good.
I'm tired. I'm tired of grown men and women lying to the people of the country. I'm tired of elected officials pretending that it's okay to torture. I'm tired of the national arrogance that passes for patriotism. I'm tired of soldiers and foreign civilians dying for reasons that are speculated and unclear. I'm tired of "homosexuality is evil" and "communism is evil" and "socialism is evil." I'm tired of a country whose citizens are, as a whole, ignorant of other countries, their cultures and history, and are intolerant of language and cultural differences. I'm tired of a country whose citizens declare strong political opinions, but have never studied other governments and economic systems and barely know their own country's history.
I'm so freaking tired, USA. Can we calm down and start over?
This country was BUILT on dissent. Some of the first Europeans to settle in North America came here seeking freedom from a religiously oppressive government in England, and our most famous document, the Declaration of Independence, is a rant, albeit very well-worded, on how much King George was irritating the New Worlders.
I wish I could remind the nation of this fact. I am so disgusted with the popular conservative notion that anyone who criticizes the way this country runs is unpatriotic and probably communist. WTF? If I didn't care about this country, I would move elsewhere or not say anything at all. Dissent means that we know things can be better, that things are not perfect but we are excited to work towards making them more so.
The biggest disservice we can do to the United States is keep shoveling in the propaganda, like so much trans-fat loaded McDonalds, that tells us America is the best country in the world. It's not true.
- We are #37 on the World Health Organization's last ranking of the best health care systems in the world, behind Costa Rica and just above Slovenia, part of the former Yugoslavia, and Cuba.
- We still have enormous issues with discrimination based on race, class, gender, and sexual preference.
- We continue to deny civil and human rights to the LGBT community.
- Misinformed, "shock factor" political pundits like Rush Limbaugh have more influence than politicians.
- Our news sources (FOX being the worst, and MSNBC contributing on the leftist side) are often just as biased and untruthful and hatemongering as the worst media outlets of all those places we hate: North Korea, Russia, China, and the Middle East.
- Women still make 26% less than equally qualified men, and only 20% of senior management positions are filled by women. In the Phillipines, women hold 47% of senior management positions; they are the top of that list.
- Our Senate is comprised of 14% women; the HoR is 15%. These statistics place the US at 83rd in the world as far as female presence in politics go. Rwanda is #1 with 49% women in their lower house and 35% in the upper house.
- The average annual income for black households in the US is $30,436. Whites, on average, earn $44,232 a year.
- There are approximately 2.5 million American citizens in prison right now.
- Our educational system is not the best--not by a long shot. All of Western Europe, Australia, South Korea, Iceland, and many other nations compete for that honor.
We are not the best country in the world. Stop lying. It's even more reprehensible when you think about our historical enemies. We act so haughty and disgusted by North Korea's practices, but when it comes down to it, our actions are a mild version of theirs. We tell our students that we are the most powerful country in the world, we have a grossly distorted view of the world's perception of us, we are arrogant enough to assume that everything successful came from the US and that everyone else should learn to speak English (god FORBID we learn anything). In the same vein: we still spread nasty propaganda about Russia and Cuba, but why I should we believe any of it? The only reason we continue to paint those countries as "evil" is because we feel threatened by their power.
The United States is one of the youngest countries in the world, and it acts appropriately. We are collectively an enormous toddler--whining and crying, throwing tantrums when things don't go our way, acting as if no one else matters, playing with our toys and destroying whatever we want whenever we want. And we will not share. Oh no. Health care needs to be changed; the HMOs are destroying our citizens' lives. There is nothing wrong with a socialist health care system. It's what Jesus would do, seriously. The only reason people are protesting is because they are greedy. They don't want to pay extra taxes to help anyone! I earned those piles of money! Help yourselves, people of America!
How dare you call yourselves Christians when it is clear that money is your god.
Whew.
Let's be frank for a moment. I would love to see this country fulfill its founding principles, wouldn't you? To do this, both parties have to stop acting like spoiled children (yeah, you heard me). The infighting accomplishes nothing. No matter who the president is, we should respect their authority and serve them as our president for their allotted term. The Republicans refuse to work with President Obama on anything because they are so offended that he was elected, and this is wrong. I am glad they have their convictions, but refusing to participate in your country is immature and stupid. (The Democrats are not innocent, I know; I remember the last 8 years.)
We need to return to positive political involvement. Write letters to your representatives about what you think should happen, comment in your local newspaper, join a community organization that supports your favorite candidates.
We need to stop the hateful sniping, the ad campaigns based on slander, the "news" programs that spend a full hour talking about the supposed racism present in the White House.
We need to find a way to remind our politicians what the purpose of government is. We need to remind them that they should not be in this for the money or the fame. We need to encourage a system full of representatives and elected officials who govern the country because they LOVE the country. And if they truly love the United States, then they will work alongside their opponents and make compromises and have intelligent, respectful discussions about what is truly good for the country. And they will dissent. And it will be good.
I'm tired. I'm tired of grown men and women lying to the people of the country. I'm tired of elected officials pretending that it's okay to torture. I'm tired of the national arrogance that passes for patriotism. I'm tired of soldiers and foreign civilians dying for reasons that are speculated and unclear. I'm tired of "homosexuality is evil" and "communism is evil" and "socialism is evil." I'm tired of a country whose citizens are, as a whole, ignorant of other countries, their cultures and history, and are intolerant of language and cultural differences. I'm tired of a country whose citizens declare strong political opinions, but have never studied other governments and economic systems and barely know their own country's history.
I'm so freaking tired, USA. Can we calm down and start over?
Sunday, October 18, 2009
I've got it!!!
MY NEW MAJOR WILL BE INTERNATIONAL STUDIES
I feel so good about this. I think sociology is definitely really interesting, but in reflection I felt a little strange about choosing it as my future path. I realized that what I found so fascinating was the issues about race and ethnicity. Also, I realized that I really miss keeping up with the news. I have Reuters bookmarked, but I'm always so miserable and tired. With international studies, I can be a better-educated political junkie, learn about all the cultures and governmental systems that I find so amazing, get back into Spanish (YAYAYYYYY), take another language, and my study abroad will perfectly enhance my major. I can do language immersion and maybe (gasp!) become fluent in Spanish, which would be...like a dream.
Estoy tan emocionada...no puedo expresar asi alegria.
I feel so good about this. I think sociology is definitely really interesting, but in reflection I felt a little strange about choosing it as my future path. I realized that what I found so fascinating was the issues about race and ethnicity. Also, I realized that I really miss keeping up with the news. I have Reuters bookmarked, but I'm always so miserable and tired. With international studies, I can be a better-educated political junkie, learn about all the cultures and governmental systems that I find so amazing, get back into Spanish (YAYAYYYYY), take another language, and my study abroad will perfectly enhance my major. I can do language immersion and maybe (gasp!) become fluent in Spanish, which would be...like a dream.
Estoy tan emocionada...no puedo expresar asi alegria.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
update for the three of you that see this!
I'm definitely transferring next year, and I'm definitely changing my major.
I have all A's in my classes!! How amazing is that? I couldn't do it in high school for some reason, but I guess college is my time to be good at school.
Fall break is over, which I guess means that it's the second half of the semester. Exciting. I'm looking forward to Christmas break like you wouldn't believe. :]
I have all A's in my classes!! How amazing is that? I couldn't do it in high school for some reason, but I guess college is my time to be good at school.
Fall break is over, which I guess means that it's the second half of the semester. Exciting. I'm looking forward to Christmas break like you wouldn't believe. :]
Sunday, September 27, 2009
disappearing act.
it makes me sad
that the only people who
seek me out,
take an interest,
seem to care are
not
my (friends)
that the only people who
seek me out,
take an interest,
seem to care are
not
my (friends)
Thursday, September 24, 2009
carolina?
So I've been thinking...
- I'm not sure I want to be a music major anymore. I calmed down after my last post and, after thinking about it a lot, realized that:
- I do not aspire to have a performance career,
- I don't enjoy singing when I'm forced to do it, and
- working this hard makes me hate music.
- I really really REALLY enjoy my sociology class. It reminds me of Area II at GSE; it's epistemology with regards to societal behavior. I love it. I think I'm going to change my major to sociology next semester, or maybe political science, or international studies. I miss keeping up with the news for my international relations class; I'm going to get back in the swing of things soon.
- Assuming that I do change my major, there is no reason for me to stay at UNC-G. It sounds bad, but I'm too intelligent for this school. It clicked in my brain today during sociology when I looked around and no one was paying attention. I don't expect college students to always be completely engaged in their classes, that's ridiculous. But I feel like my brain could atrophy here. So I'm thinking of transferring to Carolina next fall. The thought excites me...I think that's a good sign. :]
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
crying.
I don't love singing anymore. What am I going to do? Every time I sing, I get upset and frustrated. I don't even like choir anymore. Everything about this major makes me want to cry all the time. I am not going to work this hard for something I hate.
I'll probably be a sociology major by next semester.
I'll probably be a sociology major by next semester.
Thursday, September 10, 2009
better.
I got to play with puppies today. I LOVE PUPPIES.
AXA (I think) had them in a big pen outside the dining hall, encouraging adoptions and taking donations. I gave them ten dollars that will go straight to the shelter to buy food and blankets. :]
I have a peach on my desk that I took from the dining hall on Tuesday. It still isn't ripe enough to eat. I find that hilarious.
I've been writing my birthday wish list.
This is what I have so far:
AXA (I think) had them in a big pen outside the dining hall, encouraging adoptions and taking donations. I gave them ten dollars that will go straight to the shelter to buy food and blankets. :]
I have a peach on my desk that I took from the dining hall on Tuesday. It still isn't ripe enough to eat. I find that hilarious.
I've been writing my birthday wish list.
This is what I have so far:
- iTunes gift cards
- boxes of organic herbal teabags
- money so I can pay my accompanist
Friday, September 4, 2009
sorry.
That last post was completely uncalled for.
Why can't I keep perspective when I get angry? I say a lot of things I don't mean. That makes me sad.
Why can't I keep perspective when I get angry? I say a lot of things I don't mean. That makes me sad.
Thursday, September 3, 2009
angry reflections.
I HATE class piano and I HATE my women's choir and I HATE that I am so far behind everyone else in theory.
And I think there's something wrong with me. I don't care about other people. I could live on a planet that was completely empty except for Ben and my mom. I don't miss anyone else--sorry, get over it. And I just don't fucking feel like hanging out with Tara.
Here's the thing: if I continue to hang out with her, I'm going to get stuck with our friendship for the rest of my life. I don't want to be friends with ANYONE for that long!! I don't care enough to maintain friendships that aren't convenient. I really like the people on my hall, but the only reason we eat all our meals together, etc., is because it's CONVENIENT. I don't NEED anyone else. I don't give a shit about "valuing what I have" in my "friendships." Fuck that. I have always been almost disgustingly independent.
I don't know what the hell my problem is. Often I feel like I should force myself to be bound to other people like all the other weaklings on the planet. Right now I'm just trying to control the violent urges I'm feeling.
This is probably why people become murderers.
And I think there's something wrong with me. I don't care about other people. I could live on a planet that was completely empty except for Ben and my mom. I don't miss anyone else--sorry, get over it. And I just don't fucking feel like hanging out with Tara.
Here's the thing: if I continue to hang out with her, I'm going to get stuck with our friendship for the rest of my life. I don't want to be friends with ANYONE for that long!! I don't care enough to maintain friendships that aren't convenient. I really like the people on my hall, but the only reason we eat all our meals together, etc., is because it's CONVENIENT. I don't NEED anyone else. I don't give a shit about "valuing what I have" in my "friendships." Fuck that. I have always been almost disgustingly independent.
I don't know what the hell my problem is. Often I feel like I should force myself to be bound to other people like all the other weaklings on the planet. Right now I'm just trying to control the violent urges I'm feeling.
This is probably why people become murderers.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
twitching and salivating
I need to get back to listening to Radiohead.
J and C want me to blog again. I didn't realize it had been over two months. What should I say?
You know how picky I am, and unfortunately, my life has no poetry in it right now.
I like Sparkles' blog much better. He has some really amazing observations. Plus he writes open letters to people who annoy him. Very entertaining.
I really want to watch Grizzly Man.
I've started packing up for college. I own so much shit; I'm honestly surprised every day by the volume of it all. The big cleaning part came a couple weeks ago, and I filled FIVE trash bags with bottles and bottles of nail polish, school work from junior year, trinkets and memorabilia and Christmas gifts from my extended family. And yet my room is still full. The harder part is deciding which books to bring with me. I also worry that I don't have enough bags and suitcases for all of my clothes (tangent concern: if I actually got rid of everything that's worn out or doesn't fit, would I even have enough clothes?).
I went to Governor's School Alumni Day on Saturday. I don't know how I feel about it. Usually my emotions are right on the surface, but not in this case. I had this weird lump in my throat for a good part of the day, but I never cried. My jaw muscles hurt for three days from laughing and smiling and talking so much.
The last day of the session last summer, I sobbed for a good two hours.
I think I was relieved to find that some of the emotion had gone out of it for me. I know that I'll see those people again and that college will be a similar experience; I'm not so sad about leaving Governor's School anymore. But I also think that's the reason for the lump in my throat. I'm getting farther away from it. Most of the friendships will fade, almost all of the memories will with time. I don't want that to happen, but I don't need to miss it so fiercely for the rest of my life.
It's very complicated.
Today is July 15.
B leaves for college August 15. I leave August 19.
I hope we're ready.
J and C want me to blog again. I didn't realize it had been over two months. What should I say?
You know how picky I am, and unfortunately, my life has no poetry in it right now.
I like Sparkles' blog much better. He has some really amazing observations. Plus he writes open letters to people who annoy him. Very entertaining.
I really want to watch Grizzly Man.
I've started packing up for college. I own so much shit; I'm honestly surprised every day by the volume of it all. The big cleaning part came a couple weeks ago, and I filled FIVE trash bags with bottles and bottles of nail polish, school work from junior year, trinkets and memorabilia and Christmas gifts from my extended family. And yet my room is still full. The harder part is deciding which books to bring with me. I also worry that I don't have enough bags and suitcases for all of my clothes (tangent concern: if I actually got rid of everything that's worn out or doesn't fit, would I even have enough clothes?).
I went to Governor's School Alumni Day on Saturday. I don't know how I feel about it. Usually my emotions are right on the surface, but not in this case. I had this weird lump in my throat for a good part of the day, but I never cried. My jaw muscles hurt for three days from laughing and smiling and talking so much.
The last day of the session last summer, I sobbed for a good two hours.
I think I was relieved to find that some of the emotion had gone out of it for me. I know that I'll see those people again and that college will be a similar experience; I'm not so sad about leaving Governor's School anymore. But I also think that's the reason for the lump in my throat. I'm getting farther away from it. Most of the friendships will fade, almost all of the memories will with time. I don't want that to happen, but I don't need to miss it so fiercely for the rest of my life.
It's very complicated.
Today is July 15.
B leaves for college August 15. I leave August 19.
I hope we're ready.
Thursday, May 7, 2009
update.
I cut all my hair off. :)
Having short hair is one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I had never realized how much shampoo I used until this morning, when I literally had to dump an entire handful back into the bottle.
This is me before. TERRIBLE.
This is how I looked yesterday. Lovely! What an improvement.
Having short hair is one of the most incredible things I have ever experienced. I had never realized how much shampoo I used until this morning, when I literally had to dump an entire handful back into the bottle.
This is me before. TERRIBLE.
This is how I looked yesterday. Lovely! What an improvement.
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
a list of things*
- That Coldplay song "Viva la Vida." That f*cking awful song. One of many, as far as Coldplay's discography goes. I didn't hear it until it had been out for a couple of months and had heard so much positive hype -- "It's the best song I've ever heard IN MY LIFE!!" No, it's not. It's really really not. Chris Martin continuing to whine out pretentious lyrics with a synthesized orchestra having an uncoordinated orgy in the background...why?
- Flavored condoms. I'm gonna laugh when you break out in hives because you're allergic to whatever it is that you felt necessary to put on your junk so it would taste like strawberry.
- Funeral processions. Can we please all just admit that it's awfully annoying to have to stop on the side of the road when you're in a hurry for 40 cars to pass with their hazards on just because someone YOU DON'T KNOW died? No one cares. I'm sorry, but it's just a fact of life. People die. Sometimes, those people are your loved ones. Don't punish everyone else with your misplaced anguish. (Also, have you ever noticed that the people involved in funeral processions are always black? Just saying. And it's not racist if it's true.)
- Brita water filters. If you want cleaner water, fight for government regulations. Don't let the consumer industry feed off of the fact that the government sucks. (There are many more products that exemplify this idea.)
- http://www.definitely.com/ is one of the best websites I've seen thus far. But THERE SHOULDN'T BE A NEED FOR THIS.
/endrant
*that prove how truly unintelligent the average human is
Monday, April 20, 2009
rhubarb rose.
i finally get my hair to grow out
and all of a sudden i have this
UNBEARABLE URGE
to cut it all off and dye it
i think it's because
i think it's because
i will never feel as original as the girls at governor's school
with their dreads and curls and green streaks.
Monday, March 9, 2009
what made me cry recently:
- "I Wish I Could Go Back to College" and "There's a Fine, Fine Line" from Avenue Q
- this week's secrets on Postsecret
- the movie "Life is Beautiful" with Robert Benigni
- Governor's School pictures
- worry that ended up being needless
- this perfect weather that, arriving too soon, just made me think of who I knew the last time it felt like this.
Friday, January 30, 2009
and.
you know, there's a lot of mean girls in the city
and a lot of Chloes, a lot of eyeliner smudges and fake IDs
no x no y no z
anyone would look pretty behind your walls
trade beats for books!
enter glass shards, cigarette butts
there's a Smirnoff spill on your dress, didn't you notice?
guess not guess too too much
who's buying your drinks while I'm scratching the ceiling?
and a lot of Chloes, a lot of eyeliner smudges and fake IDs
no x no y no z
anyone would look pretty behind your walls
trade beats for books!
enter glass shards, cigarette butts
there's a Smirnoff spill on your dress, didn't you notice?
guess not guess too too much
who's buying your drinks while I'm scratching the ceiling?
Thursday, January 15, 2009
forgive my ranting.
I never thought of myself as a jealous person until today.
I guess I was wrong.
It shouldn't bother me
it REALLY shouldn't bother me
but I don't trust her
and who the hell sends
winking emoticons to guys and then
calls herself a lesbian?
SURE.
just stop. just stop.
you should have learned your lesson
last year
cause I heard the story, and uhm
you can't. you won't. you never will. it's done.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
maybe you miss his friendship, and not what I think you miss.
...but I doubt it.
I guess I was wrong.
It shouldn't bother me
it REALLY shouldn't bother me
but I don't trust her
and who the hell sends
winking emoticons to guys and then
calls herself a lesbian?
SURE.
just stop. just stop.
you should have learned your lesson
last year
cause I heard the story, and uhm
you can't. you won't. you never will. it's done.
I'm probably just being paranoid.
maybe you miss his friendship, and not what I think you miss.
...but I doubt it.
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
...
why worry, my dear
if ellipses and parentheses are
merely jealous of our grammar
but nonetheless you stammer as
we reset the margins, remove
the superfluous,
breathing like commas
then dashes...
forget
the ashes of your language
stare into the pupils that dot my eyes
leave no spaces.
if ellipses and parentheses are
merely jealous of our grammar
but nonetheless you stammer as
we reset the margins, remove
the superfluous,
breathing like commas
then dashes...
forget
the ashes of your language
stare into the pupils that dot my eyes
leave no spaces.
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
I wish I could write like this.
since feeling is first
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
-e. e. cummings
who pays any attention
to the syntax of things
will never wholly kiss you;
wholly to be a fool
while Spring is in the world
my blood approves,
and kisses are a better fate
than wisdom
lady i swear by all flowers. Don't cry
- the best gesture of my brain is less than
your eyelids' flutter which says
we are for each other; then
laugh, leaning back in my arms
for life's not a paragraph
And death i think is no parenthesis
-e. e. cummings
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