angry reflections.

I HATE class piano and I HATE my women's choir and I HATE that I am so far behind everyone else in theory.

And I think there's something wrong with me. I don't care about other people. I could live on a planet that was completely empty except for Ben and my mom. I don't miss anyone else--sorry, get over it. And I just don't fucking feel like hanging out with Tara.

Here's the thing: if I continue to hang out with her, I'm going to get stuck with our friendship for the rest of my life. I don't want to be friends with ANYONE for that long!! I don't care enough to maintain friendships that aren't convenient. I really like the people on my hall, but the only reason we eat all our meals together, etc., is because it's CONVENIENT. I don't NEED anyone else. I don't give a shit about "valuing what I have" in my "friendships." Fuck that. I have always been almost disgustingly independent.

I don't know what the hell my problem is. Often I feel like I should force myself to be bound to other people like all the other weaklings on the planet. Right now I'm just trying to control the violent urges I'm feeling.

This is probably why people become murderers.