ah, what to do.

I've decided to write my UNC application essay on Neville Longbottom. The application is due March 1. I am in trouble.

I don't think I can write this essay. Neville certainly is an interesting character, but I don't think I can make a strong enough point with him. I am notorious for this kind of second-guessing, though. I just don't know what to do. I am also notorious for being a terrible, terrible writer when it actually matters. I can bullshit about politics and religion and once or twice a year write a poem, but when there's a format and a due date, I lose my mind.

None of the three prompts inspires me. I have a couple weak, insipid ideas, and I refuse to use them. I'm far too picky.

Let me share with you how STUPID these prompts are:

1. People find many ways to express their inner world. Some write novels; others paint, perform, or debate; still others design elegant solutions to complex mathematical problems. How do you express your inner world, and how does the world around you respond?
2. It's easy to identify with the hero--the literary or historical figure who saves the day. Have you ever identified with a figure who wasn't a hero--a villain or a scapegoat, a bench-warmer or a bit player? If so, tell us why this figure appealed to you--and if your opinion changed over time, tell us about that, too.
3. After your long and happy life, your family must choose no more than a dozen words to adorn your headstone. What do you hope they choose, and why?

 Those are my options? Really?!

1. My inner world is a lot of political and religious opinion. How I express my inner world is ranting on this blog and posting status updates on Facebook. Occasionally, I vent to my boyfriend about some topic and then embarrass myself and never want to talk about it ever again. Not exactly essay material. No one wants a student who does nothing productive with her ideas.
2. Neville Longbottom is the only non-hero I can think of. I don't read nearly as much as I used to. I could think of branching out to non-literary figures, but I'm afraid. Also, anything I say is going to be cliched and corny.
3. My favorite poem is by e.e. cummings, and ends like this: "for life's not a paragraph/and death I think is no parenthesis." It's exactly twelve words, and it describes how I want to live my life. I want the effects of my life to reach beyond  my death. BUT IT'S SO CLICHE. I can just see it..."I wanna change the world, omg! Starting with world peace. And like, kids reading. Yeah."

I'm just not good enough for this essay. I'm too literal and not creative. I feel like I may as well save my money and stay at UNCG and be miserable for three more years. Whatever, it's just the rest of my life.